This journal entry, video, and verse have been essential to my thinking today as I muddle through my grief.
I was eight weeks Monday. This was the second baby that I miscarried.
I wish that word didn't imply that I failed to carry the baby.
It is also a true statement though to say that from now on I will miss carrying that child. I will miss for the future in a way that I may never forget.
Why are you sharing this so publicly if you don't want a response?
Well, honestly, I am sharing this so that the people who choose to read what I blog here know that no matter what I'm writing from my real life. Real life is painful and pain isn't tame. I want my friends to know that I am working through the pain in my life and more importantly I'm desperate to know more of Jesus through my life. And that is what I hope to share here. Whether it is through teaching a child to read, breaking bread with my neighbor, or walking through the valley of death, I want to see Jesus. I want to be like Him.
My challenge for the day? Well, to pray this prayer:
14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole familya in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.